


Healing

by NotAGinger



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Broken Bones, Epilepsy, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Minor Injuries, Probably ooc, Seizures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-11-06 03:54:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17932361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAGinger/pseuds/NotAGinger
Summary: Being an idol when you have a chronic condition isn’t exactly an ideal situation, especially when you have to hide it from the fans.Luckily for Joshua, the company and Seventeen were aware of his epilepsy and they knew how to handle his seizures. But even when you're surrounded by, well they were probably considered experts by now, there was still a chance something could go wrong.





	1. Small bathrooms and seizures aren't an ideal combination

Being an idol when you have a chronic condition isn’t exactly an ideal situation, especially when you have to hide it from the fans.   
Luckily for Joshua, the company was aware of his epilepsy. He had told them immediately after getting casted, after some consideration and speaking with his doctor, the company still decided to take him in as a trainee. The members also knew, they had to, if he had a seizure and nobody knew what to do it could end badly for him. Barely any other groups outside of the Pledis artists and a couple of their good friends actually knew about his epilepsy, Joshua didn’t want his secret to come out and was very careful with letting other people know about it.  
Joshua didn’t know any better than living with his seizures, he had been told that there was no clear cause for his epilepsy, it was probably a genetic thing. He would always have epilepsy had learnt to deal with it a long time ago. He had medications that worked well for him, he still had seizures, but they were usually so mild and far apart from each other that they didn’t have any impact on his performance as an idol. The members always made sure that he was safe, and he didn’t need a lot of time to recover from a seizure. Even if he had one right before a performance he’d still go up on stage and give it his all, although the rest of Seventeen didn’t always agree with that decision.  
That being said, long events like award shows or ISAC could be pretty nerve-wrecking, especially if he hadn’t had a seizure in a while or wasn’t feeling well. The fans not knowing about his condition meant that he couldn’t afford to skip events without a proper explanation. Maybe once or twice could be excused, but if he missed too many schedules it would start to get suspicious. 

Today had been a pretty good day so far, they had finished filming their new music video and were excited to perform it in front of Carats for the first time at the MAMA awards, which were coming up in two weeks. Sure, Joshua was a bit tired, but no more than the other members. It had been a long day of filming and everyone felt exhausted. Most of their members had gone to bed already, Jihoon had gone to the studio because he suddenly got inspiration for something, but the others had already gone to bed or were getting ready to go to bed. They had a day off tomorrow and they wanted to get all the rest that they could before the crazy schedules of a comeback started again. Joshua hadn’t felt any symptoms of a seizure all day and except for some tiredness he felt fine, which is why he was caught off guard when he suddenly felt one coming up while brushing his teeth. It really shouldn’t have been that big of a surprise, it had been over a month since he last had a seizure. But usually he felt the symptoms way before actually having the seizures, they rarely caught him by surprise. He only had time to alarm Wonwoo, who was standing next to him in the small bathroom, before he lost consciousness and fell to the floor.

A crash and Wonwoo calling out Joshua’s name was all it took for Seungcheol to abandon the schedules he was looking through with the manager and come running to the bathroom.  
‘’Did he hit his head?’’ Was the first question he asked Wonwoo, who was looking at his watch to keep an eye on the length of the seizure. They had to call an ambulance if it lasted longer than 5 minutes. Seungcheol let his eyes glide over Joshua, his face was scrunched up as if he were in pain, but he had to remind himself that it was just the seizure.  
‘’No, I managed to catch him in time,’’ Wonwoo mumbled, taking his eyes off his watch for a second to look at Seungcheol. ‘’He hit his arm on the counter though.’’ Remembering the sickening crack that had sounded when Joshua fell made Wonwoo wince, it had sounded incredibly painful and for once he was happy that his hyung was unconscious during the seizure.  
Seungcheol promised that he’d take a look at it once the seizure was over. Joshua’s wrist was already starting to show some bruising and Seungcheol suspected that it was going to end up in a trip to the hospital to have a doctor take a look at it. For now all they could do was wait until the seizure had ended. They never had to call for an ambulance before, it had come close a couple of times, but usually it didn’t take longer than two, sometimes three minutes before the convulsions completely stopped.  
Today it didn’t take more than a minute, Joshua was still a bit shaky, but at least he had regained consciousness.  
‘’Welcome back,’’ Seungcheol whispered as Joshua let out a groan and started making attempts at pushing himself up into a sitting position. Seungcheol rushed to support him, making sure the younger didn’t put any weight on his injured arm. ‘’Do you remember what happened?’’  
‘’Seizure,’’ Joshua mumbled, barely understandable. ‘’Was brushing my teeth and- wow that hurts.’’ Joshua winced and cradled his left wrist, which he was using to gesture towards the sink, to his chest after realizing how much it hurt.  
‘’You hit your wrist, I’ll take a look at it once you’re in a bit more comfortable position.’’ Seungcheol started to help Joshua up while Wonwoo ran ahead to get an icepack. Joshua simply nodded and let Seungcheol help him. Sometimes it could become a bit of a fight to help Joshua after a seizure, he was stubborn and wanted to do everything himself despite the aftereffects leaving him terribly unbalanced and with barely any feeling in his limbs for at least a couple of minutes. It was why they had to be extra careful right now, Joshua could further injure himself without noticing it.   
Seungcheol let Joshua lean on him as they made their way to the living room, where the manager was on the phone, probably letting the other managers or members know what had happened. Careful, Seungcheol lowered Joshua onto the couch and took over the icepack over from Wonwoo, gently wrapping it around Joshua’s wrist. A nasty looking bruise had already started to form, but it hadn’t started to swell up too badly yet and he wanted to prevent that from happening.  
‘’Can I take a look?’’ Seungcheol asked after a minute of silence and waited for Joshua’s permission before unwrapping the icepack and slowly letting his fingers glide over the bruised skin.  
‘’It hurts,’’ Joshua mumbled. ‘’Feels different than a sprain.’’ Seungcheol hummed and asked Joshua if he could move his fingers and wrist. He couldn’t feel any obvious bumps that pointed to a fracture, but Joshua being unable to move his hand or fingers without pain worried him. ‘’I think this is going to be one for the hospital, sorry Shua.’’ He knew Joshua wasn’t a huge fan of hospitals, he suspected it had something to do with the amount of time the other had spent in them when he was younger. He had once said that in the beginning of high school his seizures had gotten really bad and he ended up in the hospital at least once a month due to his seizures lasting too long or other complications.  
Seungcheol shot a look at the manager, who nodded and got up, already typing something on his phone. ‘’I’ll go get the car ready.’’  
Seungcheol thanked him and went back to focus on Joshua. Wonwoo had already helped him put the icepack back on his wrist and Seungcheol helped him stand up.  
‘’Wonwoo, can you text the others to let them know what’s going on? Thanks.’’  
Joshua was still having some trouble with his balance, but they took it easy and reached the car without any accidents.

‘’There’s a small fracture here,’’ The doctor explained, pointing at an x-ray that was taken of Joshua’s wrist. They were lucky that it was a weekday and didn’t have to wait long at the ER. It only took fifteen minutes before their names were called. The doctor had done some tests and concluded that x-rays were needed to confirm that Joshua had broken his wrist and to make sure there wasn’t anything else damaged. ‘’It’s a non-displaced fracture, which means that it’s stable and won’t require surgery. You’ll just have to wear a cast for a couple of weeks.’’  
Joshua nodded and leaned back while he and Seungcheol waited for a nurse to come in and put a cast on his arm. They had given him some painkillers and as long as he didn’t try to move his wrist it didn’t hurt that badly.  
‘’So what color are you getting?’’ Seungcheol finally spoke up, he had been quiet all this time, only speaking when the doctor asked some things about how the injury had happened, since Joshua couldn’t really remember it, or he was busy discussing some stuff with the manager.  
‘’I don’t know,’’ Joshua sighed and studied the walls of the room they were put in. ‘’I was thinking of something similar to our fandom colors, but-’’  
‘’That won’t fit with the concept of Getting Closer.’’ Seungcheol finished for him.  
Joshua hummed in response. ‘’Although I doubt I’ll even be able to go to MAMA or any music shows soon. You know how the company is with injuries.’’  
Seungcheol nodded and seemed lost in thoughts for a couple of seconds. They all knew that their company preferred to keep idols out of all spotlight if they were injured. Vernon’s ankle injury had been an exception, and they also let Soonyoung back on stage during their last concert even though he was still injured. Sometimes they just didn’t tell the fans about injuries, so that they could keep performing without upsetting them.  
‘’Knowing you, you’d probably even dance if the doctor allowed it.’’ Seungcheol and Joshua laughed at that comment, he often came across as quiet and gentle, but he could be incredibly stubborn and if he wanted to do something then he would get it done one way or another. ‘’But, if you really want to attend MAMA, you could just do the red carpet?’’ Seungcheol offered, knowing how badly Joshua wanted to be able to join the rest of Seventeen to events. ‘’But I think we have a meeting about it tomorrow anyway, because the company has to release a statement. We can discuss it then.’’ Seungcheol gave Joshua’s leg an encouraging squeeze when the nurse came in. 

A short 20 minutes later they were on their way out, walking closely behind the manager. Joshua had ended up going for a black cast, which he thought looked pretty neat, and his arn was resting in a sling. The doctor had said that he should at least wear the sling until the pain and swelling had gone down and to try to keep his arm elevated when sleeping. He had to have a checkup in three weeks to see how everything was healing.  
‘’You okay?’’ Seungcheol asked, probably worried at how quiet Joshua had been so far.  
‘’Yeah,’’ he nodded, the manager stopped at the front desk to sign some paperwork and the two of them sat down in some chairs. ‘’Just a bit tired. And hungry.’’ He said after some thinking. They had had dinner on the set of the music video, but that was already a couple of hours ago. Seungcheol sighed and let out a laugh. ‘’You broke your wrist and the only thing you’re thinking about is food?’’  
‘’I mean, yes,’’ Joshua shrugged and laughed along. ‘’My wrist doesn’t hurt too bad, and I don’t want to think about it until tomorrow, or later today I guess. My stomach however, can’t wait.’’  
‘’You’re impossible.’’ Seungcheol shook his head and they followed the manager, who was done with the paperwork back to the car.  
‘’Okay, but I’m actually really hungry.’’ Joshua said, more like whined in Seungcheol’s opinion, but he would never say it out loud. They were on their way back to the dorm, making a slight detour to the studio to pick Jihoon up, Seungcheol had texted Jeonghan and their producer hadn’t gotten back to the dorm yet.  
‘’Maybe we can stop somewhere and get takeout?’’ The question was more aimed at the manager than Joshua, and it seemed successful because the manager pulled over at the closest restaurant, which happened to be their favourite, and handed Seungcheol his card.   
‘’It’s on me, but don’t let the other members know!’’ He warned, Seungcheol promised to bring some food for the manager.

When they got to the studio thirty minutes later, Jihoon was so focussed on his computer screen that he didn’t notice the leader coming in with Joshua until they put down the bag with food on his desk.  
‘’It’s late,’’ Seungcheol scolded. ‘’We have a day off tomorrow, you’ll have plenty of time to work on music.’’  
‘’I had inspiration,’’ Jihoon shrugged and turned around, after being sure he had completely turned off the computer. ‘’Wanted to work on the track while it lasted.’’ He started digging through the bag, picking out his favourite dish. ‘’Not that I’m complaining, because the manager never brings food, but why isn’t he picking me up this time?’’  
‘’Turns out a small bathroom isn’t an ideal place to have a seizure.’’ Joshua joked and took the food and chopsticks Seungcheol handed him. ‘’Jeonghan said you hadn’t come back yet so we figured we’d pick you up on our way back from the hospital.’’  
‘’Yeah I read something about that in the groupchat, sounded pretty painful.’’ Joshua nodded and they continued to chat a little until they had finished everything.

Jihoon immediately went to his bedroom as soon as they got back to the dorm, the younger hadn't realised how tired he was until after they had finished eating, and he had almost fallen asleep in the car on their way back. Joshua was planning on doing the same thing, he was exhausted and felt ready to sleep for an entire day. Luckily, they had no schedules, besides practice, for the next day and there was no rush in releasing a statement about Joshua's injury. They had planned a meeting somewhere in the early afternoon, which left him with enough time to catch up on the hours of sleep he had missed.  
The two are taken by surprise when they spot a blonde head on the couch. The only member who had blonde hair right now was Jeonghan, but he lived in the other dorm.   
Joshua and Seungcheol shared a look and both of them kneeled down next to the couch. The leader softly shook Jeonghan's shoulder to wake him up.  
“Hey Hannie, why aren't you sleeping in your room?” Joshua asked, although he already suspected that he knew the reason why. Jeonghan tended to get overly worried and protective whenever a member wasn't feeling 100% or was injured in some way. It really shouldn't have been a big surprise to see him sleeping on the couch. Just like it really wasn't a surprise when Jeonghan requested to stay at the dorm with Joshua and Seungcheol, he wanted to be close to his best friend.  
After Seungcheol had sent Wonwoo, who was still gaming, to the other dorm, he said that Jeonghan could take Wonwoo's bed in the living room.  
Jeonghan wasn't too happy with it, but he settled down when Joshua reassured him that he was okay, and that he really wanted to sleep so if Jeonghan could please do the same it would make him extremely happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Joshua’s plan to sleep in and take it easy were quickly ruined when was woken up at 7am by someone shaking him. Upon opening his eyes he looked at a very apologetic Seungcheol, who looked as tired as Joshua felt.  
‘’Change of plans, the meeting’s in thirty minutes.’’ He said, his voice lower and more rough than usual, it was obvious that he himself also hadn’t been awake for very long.  
‘’What? Why?’’ Joshua pushed himself up, remembering just in time why they were having a meeting in the first place. He felt a bit clumsy, only being able to use one hand, but he managed it. He grabbed the sling from the bedside table and put his arm in it. His wrist wasn’t hurting as badly as he thought it would, but he also didn’t want to make it worse.  
‘’Apparently a carat saw us at the hospital and tweeted about it. They want to get a statement out before rumours start spreading.’’  
Joshua nodded, once rumours started to spread it was very hard to get them under control, even with releasing statement. He grabbed the sling from his bedside table and hung it around his neck. His wrist wasn’t hurting as bad as he had expected, but he also didn’t want to make it worse.  
A couple of minutes later he was dressed and sitting in the back of the car on its way to the meeting. Jeonghan had also woken up and had decided he wanted to come along to the meeting, but Seungcheol and Joshua had managed to talk him into getting a couple of hours more sleep. Jeonghan only agreed when the two promised to come back right after the meeting was over. They didn’t have practice today and they were planning to go right back to the dorm and catch up on their missed sleep after the meeting. Joshua just hoped he wouldn’t be put on hiatus until he was fully recovered. He knew he probably couldn’t dance until the cast came off, but he didn’t want to miss all the special stages they had prepared for the upcoming shows. And there was the fact that they were going to film their new music video right after MAMA, Joshua wondered if they were going to delay the comeback or if they would just film the music video without him.  
‘’What’s going on in your head?’’ Seungcheol’s gentle voice got him out of his thoughts and he looked at the leader. ‘’I’ve been trying to get your attention for a minute.’’  
‘’Just thinking,’’ He smiled. ‘’About the upcoming shows, and the comeback.’’  
‘’It’ll be fine, we’ll make sure you can join as many schedules as possible.’’ Seungcheol put his hand on Joshua’s knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze. ‘’We’re here.’’  
Joshua gave Seungcheol a nervous smile as they left the car. There were some fans at their usual entrance, since nothing was released about Joshua’s injury yet and they didn’t want to spread rumours, the manager had lead them through an alternative entrance. 

In the end, the meeting went better than expected. They were quick to decide on what to put in the statement, the company couldn’t release a statement with the real reason of Joshua’s injury since the fans didn’t know about his epilepsy and they had settled on saying that he tripped during practice and had landed wrong. Joshua was surprised that going to MAMA wasn’t a big issue, he was allowed to go, but had to agree to sitting out the performance for Getting Closer. The topic of the conversation quickly went to their comeback and the filming of the music video. They didn’t think the promotions were going to be a problem, those were still a couple of weeks away and Joshua’s wrist should be healed by then. The music video however, was going to be filmed in three weeks. It was doubtful that he was allowed to dance by then, and even if he was, he wouldn’t have been able to practice.  
They didn’t touch on the topic of end of year shows. Joshua already had a check-up scheduled to see how his wrist was healing after three weeks, and they would decide what to do after that.  
Before they got the chance to close the meeting, Joshua spoke up.  
‘’One more thing. I think I want to tell Carats about my epilepsy.’’ He had been thinking about it for a while now, and injuring his wrist was what made him make that final decision to tell the fans. There was always a risk of getting injured during a seizure, or something else could go wrong that would end up with him in the hospital, that was something everyone was aware of. Of course, they had always hoped it wouldn’t happen, but somewhere in the back of their heads they had always known something like this was unavoidable.  
‘’We could put it in the statement? It hasn’t been rel-’’  
‘’No, I wanna tell them myself.’’ Joshua cut off the staff member who suggested it. ‘’In my birthday vlive.’’  
‘’Are you sure?’’ Seungcheol asked. ‘’You know how the Carats might react.’’  
‘’I’m pretty sure. A statement can be released afterwards to confirm it, but I want to be the one to tell the Carats. My birthday is at the end of the month, they’re going to ask about my wrist anyway, it would be a good time to tell them.’’  
‘’Alright,’’ The ceo said. ‘’You know that we’ve always left the choice of the fans knowing about it up to you, if you want to tell them, you can. The statement about your injury should be up in a couple of minutes. We’ll make sure to release a statement after your vlive, don’t worry about it. You two should head back to the dorm and rest up, it’s your free day.’’  
Joshua and Seungcheol thanked the staff who were at the meeting and went back to the car, where the manager was still waiting.  
Once they were on their way back, Joshua got out his phone. He had promised to text Jeonghan when they were done and let him know how it went.

_**To: Jeonghan**  
Meeting is over, it went well :)_

_**From: Jeonghan**  
Details??_

_**To: Jeonghan**  
Later, typing is a bit difficult with one hand. _

After sending the last text, Joshua put away his phone and leaned back in the chair. He couldn’t wait to go back to bed. He just hoped Jeonghan would let him sleep first before questioning him about the meeting.  
Unfortunately his prayers went unanswered. He had barely put away his coat when Jeonghan was all over him, asking how the meeting went, if he had eaten yet, and if he wanted to go out to eat to celebrate that the meeting went well.  
‘’Hannie, as much as I love you, I’m exhausted, can we talk later?’’ Joshua mumbled, softly pushing Jeonghan off of him. The older looked disappointed but nodded. ‘’I do like the idea of going out though, we could go out for lunch?’’

A couple of hours later, Joshua felt rested and was looking forward to going out for lunch. They usually ordered in or cooked something with whatever they had at the dorm, which was usually ramen or something else that was fairly easy to make. Going out was a nice treat every once in a while. Joshua quickly changed clothes, he wanted to look presentable in case they ran into Carats, and left to find Jeonghan.  
‘’You’re not wearing your sling.’’ Was the first thing Jeonghan said when Joshua entered his room. No scolding for not knocking or coming in unannounced. Joshua shrugged and motioned for Jeonghan to move aside so he could lie down next to him on the bed. He had forgotten to put the sling back on after changing clothes and only realised it when he was already in the other dorm. His wrist was hurting a bit, but he wasn’t really bothered by it. Besides, he could elevate his wrist right now by using Jeonghan as a pillow.  
‘’I’ll wear it when we go out.’’  
‘’Tell me about the meeting’’ Jeonghan changed the subject.  
‘’Not much to say about it, I’m obviously not allowed to perform for now, but I can come along to MAMA. We’ll see what I can do by the time we’re going to shoot the music video for Home, but hopefully I can at least dance during my parts.’’  
‘’Mhm, and the end of year shows?’’  
‘’Still undecided, I have a check up in three weeks, we’ll discuss after that.’’  
‘’Discuss what? If you’re going to perform with a broken wrist?’’  
‘’Well…’’ Joshua smiled when Jeonghan slapped him and started scolding him for being irresponsible. ‘’We’re going to wait what the doctor says first. I just don’t want to sit out a lot performances.’’  
‘’I don’t like that idea.’’ Jeonghan shook his head and sighed. ‘’Anything else?’’  
‘’Not really- oh, I’m going to tell Carats about my epilepsy.’’  
‘’You what?!’’ Jeonghan shot up, accidentally hurting Joshua’s wrist. ‘’Sorry, Shua.’’ He lied back down and let Joshua get comfortable again. ‘’Why?’’  
‘’It’s not a new idea, I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of months. I’m done with hiding it.’’  
Jeonghan mumbled a ‘’whatever’’ and asked Joshua if he was still up for going out for lunch.

What started out as going out for lunch ended up as lunch, a movie and aimlessly walking around in a park Jeonghan liked to go to. Joshua wasn’t a huge fan of going out for long days, he couldn’t help but feel anxiety about having a seizure in public and it made it difficult to relax and have a good time. Today felt different. Jeonghan had taken him to a new restaurant, apparently he had heard of it from another idol and they had nice, private seating areas so that the two could have lunch without being disturbed. After that, Jeonghan suggested that they would go to see a movie. It was a school day and it wasn’t too busy at the cinema. The movie was really good, it was some sort of comedy that Seungkwan talked about wanting to see.  
They went back to the dorm after a couple of hours in the park, Seungcheol had texted them that they were having a movie night at the dorm and asked them if they could pick up some food for dinner on their way back.

It was a really good day. It had been a while since Joshua was able to go out and not think about having a seizure. For once, he was able to relax and have a good time. It was rare that they got days like this and when they did have days off, Joshua usually stayed in.  
But today he was able to have a good time, despite his injury, and feel like a normal person instead of a celebrity. Tomorrow it was time to go back to the usual schedule of rehearsing, recording and writing. Joshua wanted to enjoy the peace a bit longer, he thought as he was squashed between Jun and Chan, the latter had fallen asleep on his shoulder and Jun was struggling to keep his eyes open. The other members were all either passed out on the floor, or were still focussing on the movie that was playing on the tv. His eyes met with Jeonghan’s and they shared a smile.  
‘’Let’s get them to bed,’’ Joshua whispered as he started to softly shake Jun awake, telling him to take Seungkwan and Chan with him. ‘’We don’t want anyone else getting hurt because they slept on the floor.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was chapter two!  
> I'm not completely happy with it, but I wanted to get it up anyway.  
> Thanks everyone for the kudos and comments so far!  
> If I haven't responded to your comments it's because I'm awkward and don't know what to say, but trust me, I appreciate them!  
> I don't know when I will able to upload chapter 3, I'm incredibly busy with school because I'm in my last year, but I'll try to get it up as fast as possible!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some tales from recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long! I'm my last year of highschool and I've been studying my ass off to get good grades on the exams(and I did!)

They were getting closer to MAMA-awards and Joshua was getting more bored every day. The first week he had stayed at the dorm, only leaving to go to the company for recordings and vocal practice. But going from practicing intense choreography multiple hours a day to do practically nothing wasn’t a change that he liked. Even when they had days off he was more active than now. It had gotten to the point where it was affecting his mood, he started snapping at the members when they came back from practice and tried to talk to him about it, or he just locked himself in his room and refused to talk to anyone.   
Of course, the members knew that Joshua reacting like this had some deeper meaning than just being bored of doing nothing. He always hated being useless and even he was forced to take a small break from practice after a seizure it would take some time for him to get back into a good mood again once he could go back to practicing. Joshua tended to blame himself, always apologizing for having a seizure and having to hold back the team. It wasn’t a surprise that it was happening again, but instead of confiding in the other 95-liners like he usually did, he kept to himself.  
Today had already not started off great, Joshua’s bad mood was starting to rub off on some of the other members, making the situation in the dorm tense. Some of the members were starting to avoid talking to him, and although he knew it was his own fault, he still felt a bit sad about it. He should just get a grip on his emotions and be a bit nicer, it couldn’t be that hard. Right?  
Maybe it was just better to avoid talking to them and risking making a wrong comment until he was given permission to dance again. It wouldn’t be that hard, he was alone at the dorm most of the time since he didn’t join practice, he knew that seeing the others dance would only set him off. The first days he came along, but after being made clear that the members wouldn’t let him join until he had permission to dance from the doctor, he had started to stay back at the dorm. First he claimed that his wrist was hurting, and that some rest would make it better, but after using the same excuse a couple of times the members quickly stopped with asking him to come.  
He was just getting out of the shower, one thing about being alone at the dorm was the fact that he could finally take a shower in peace without worrying about making the other members wait, when he heard the door to the dorm close and a familiar voice called out for him.  
‘’Hannie? What are you doing back early?’’ Practice wasn’t supposed to end for at least a couple of hours, it wasn’t even noon yet.  
‘’Oh Shua, it’s terrible!’’ Jeonghan started with his overdramatized telling of how he tripped during practice and was in oh so much pain that he just had to go back to the dorm to cuddle with his Joshuji to feel better.   
‘’Are you sure you didn’t hit your head. You’re sounding a little delirious to me.’’ Joshua mumbled and turned around to go back to his room, he wasn’t in the mood for this. Behind him he heard Jeonghan sigh and his footsteps followed him to his bedroom.  
‘’If you’re here to just be dramatic, you can go back to practice.’’   
‘’I’m not. But I wasn’t lying about wanting to cuddle with you, move over.’’ Jeonghan sounded much more serious this time and, albeit a bit reluctant, Joshua made room on the bed so that Jeonghan could join him. ‘’What’s going on with you, huh? You’ve been sulking for days on a row, and the atmosphere in the dorm isn’t getting any better from it.’’ He asked after the two had gotten settled.  
“I...I don't know.” Joshua admitted. He did know why he was acting like he was, but he didn't want to admit it. The first day after his injury was so good, he was hopeful that for once he wouldn't fall back into this state. But it did happen, like it had happened so many times before, especially when he still lived in America.  
“Are you depressed again?” Jeonghan questioned. He was well aware of Joshua's history with depression and he didn't want his best friend to relapse. They all knew that Joshua had a higher risk of becoming depressed, it was a side effect of the medication that he took and having dealt with it in the past made him more sensitive to becoming depressed again.  
‘’I don’t think so? It’ll probably get better again once this cast comes off.’’  
‘’Are you sure or are you just in denial?’’  
‘’I’m not, I swear, it’s just the feeling useless and doing nothing while everyone else is busy with practice that’s causing it.’’   
‘’If joining practice would make it better...Maybe we can manage something?’’  
‘’But-’’  
‘’You don’t have official permission yet, I know. But if all of this is making you feel so bad, I’m sure we can manage something? Just listen to your body and stop as soon as your wrist starts hurting.’’  
‘’That’d be nice.’’ Joshua smiled, he knew that the orders not to dance were to ensure that his wrist healed up quickly, but his mental health was suffering and the more time it took before they started working on that, the longer it would take for him to start feeling better.  
‘’Okay but I actually did fall and my knee does kind of hurts.’’ Jeonghan said playfully, making Joshua laugh. The two stayed where they were until all the other members came home. The next day, Joshua was allowed to join practice again under strict supervision that he did not put any weight on his wrist and didn’t push himself, but he was more than happy with it.

\--

A week later and MAMA awards had arrived, Joshua was excited despite knowing that he wouldn’t be able to dance for Getting Closer. He was still ‘’dancing’’ for Oh My!, considering that they hadn’t planned a whole lot of choreography for that song anyway. At first there were some discussions of Joshua not being on stage during Getting Closer at all, but he said that he wanted to be on stage, and they ended up with the decision that he would perform sitting down. The responses from Carats were all positive, and most of them seemed happy that he had chosen not to dance for Getting Closer, although some Carats had expressed their disappointment that it was Seventeen’s first time performing the song and they were already missing a member. 

The check-up he had a couple of days later was positive and Joshua, together with the other members, was happily surprised when he got permission to dance. There were some limitations, he wasn’t allowed to put weight on his wrist and couldn’t dance too wild. It meant that he was able to film almost all of the choreography for the new music video and if they adjusted the choreography he could join most, if not all, upcoming performances.

\--

“I see a lot of Carats asking about my wrist,” Joshua said as he let his eyes glide over the comments, a mix of mostly Korean and English, together with some languages he didn't immediately recognize. “It's healing fine and doesn't hurt at all! It's okay for me to dance as long as I don't put too much weight on my arm, so we just adjusted some of the choreo so that I can still join in during performances.” He grinned at the camera and continued to read the comments, waiting for one that asked how he got injured, so that he could make a transition to what he wanted to talk about next. Finally he found one, and he let out a soft chuckle before going into his explanation. He was a bit nervous about how the carats would receive the news, he had been warned for some backlash, but he hoped that overall the response would be okay.  
‘’It’s actually not a long story, but it involves some things you didn’t know about me yet. I believe the statement said that I got injured during practice, but we had actually just gotten back from shooting the music video for Getting Closer and we were at the dorm. I agreed to the statement being released, because I didn’t want to real reason how I got injured to get out yet.’’ Joshua took a deep breath before continuing, there was no going back after this. ‘’I have epilepsy, I’ve actually had it all my life, so seizures are a pretty normal thing for me. However, there’s always a risk of getting injured during a seizure and this time it did happen. All of the members, managers and most of the staff know about my epilepsy and how to deal with my seizures and I'm usually fine. I'm pretty sure this is the first time since coming to Korea where I've gotten injured, so there's no reason to worry about it happening again.’’ He answered a couple of other questions, about his medication and how bad it was and why he had it(‘’I think it was something genetic? They didn’t really have a solid explanation as to why my brain is messed up.’’), but he quickly went back to answering questions about his birthday. Once the Carats noticed that he wasn’t talking about it anymore, the questions died down quickly.  
The news was received pretty well, there was a statement released confirming what Joshua had said and aside from a couple of websites like koreaboo, there wasn’t a lot of drama surrounding it. Joshua was already sure that he would be asked about it during interviews and variety shows from now on, but he hoped that after a while those would stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after, the end.
> 
> I hadn't planned the whole depression stuff but it happened I guess  
> This chapter isn't my best, but I wanted to put something out because it's been a while, maybe I will rewrite it later.  
> I might make this a series with some stories of the other members dealing with Joshua's seizures or some other stuff? Let me know if there's any interest in that!


	4. NOT AN UPDATE

Hi!  
This is not a story update, but more of a question!  
In the last chapter I mentioned that I was thinking of making this into a short series and making another story that had chapters focussed on the members dealing with Joshua's epilepsy. This is quite a lot of work and I want to know if there is any interest in that idea? I'd like to write it, but since it's so much work I don't think it's worth it if there isn't any interest in it.

And a second question!  
Since this is so much work, I wouldn't mind having someone who could help me with writing when I'm stuck and who can proofread and give feedback on the chapters before I post them! (this can also be for possible upcoming fics, not just this one)

Please leave a comment so that I know what you guys think<3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Kudo's and comments are always appreciated :)  
> English isn't my first language so if I made any mistakes, please notify me!  
> I'm also not an expert on epilepsy so I'm not sure if everything I wrote is completely accurate


End file.
